You may, or may not have noticed the blog and social media platforms have been very quiet the past few months. The reason? S has started school and therefore I threw myself back into work. I struggled to find any part time work when I started looking in the summer months ready for a September start so I made the leap and tried full time. Monday to Friday, nine to five.
Its now been two months and I've decided full time isn't for me. The guilt of having nothing to do with school, no communication apart from a few words in a book and how tired the girls are after a day in breakfast club, school and then after school is just too much. After dinner there is then no chance of getting the girls to sit down and do homework, and weekends I see in my head for days out to make up for the time we've lost after school. This can not continue.
I have asked work to drop a day. Become a part -time working mum. Still bring in some cash to help with saving for a deposit for our own home, and get a day with the girls too. Hopefully that will ease some of the guilt I am feeling. I will find out soon, hopefully, if work are happy with that. If not its back to the drawing board and putting up with guilt until something else comes along more suitable.
How can you feel guilty when your a stay at home mum, and a working mum?? Is there a middle ground where you never feel that guilt??
When I wasn't working, I felt guilty for hubby that all the stress of bringing an income in was on his shoulders, guilty for showing no work ethics to the girls.
Apart from the guilt, work is going well. I have become myself again, not just the girls mummy. I have had to start from the bottom again, which shocked me. Being a stay at home mum for 6 years does have consequences after all. However, I will never forget being there for the early years, and will be forever grateful to hubby that he didn't put stress on me to return to work sooner. However, the thought that's its still too soon does go through my head.
J is in Year 2 now, and with her SATs looming I fear that not being there at an appropriate time for homework will have detrimental effects. Same with S, she's learning to read and write and I have no time to practice this with her.
When did you return back to work? Am I just spoilt as I have had so much time off being a hands on mum? When is the right time to return back to work?
I suppose it doesn't help that I know in half terms I am working for nothing but childcare costs. This never helps anything, but everyone has to start somewhere though I guess?